A long time ago, when I was still actively involved in giving family seminars, from time to time I got questions from participants about the role of wife and mother, whether wife and mother should be full-time homemakers.  You can perhaps guess that it’s the women who asked this question, and sadly many asked this question out of guilt, because they happened to work outside of home.  Some did it out of necessity; they had no choice.  They preferred staying home and being full-time wife and mother but due to financial need, they were forced to work outside of home.  But some did it because they wanted to; they could not stay home 24/7, doing the same chores day in and day out.  So, for the sake of sanity, they chose to work. It doesn’t matter which group they belonged to, many felt guilty. They felt bad for abdicating their responsibilities at home, so they asked.

What I usually said in response to those who did not have to work but chose to work outside of home was, “Out of the two choices— working outside and staying home—which can make you a better wife and mother?  Choose the one that will make you a better wife and mother.”  I hope this answer liberated them from guilt and put matters into perspective, that what’s more important and needed by our family is not our physical but rather our emotional presence.  What good is our full physical presence if we are mostly unhappy, tired, and irritable? Twelve hours of warmth and love is better than twenty-four hours of snappy comments and cold shoulders, isn’t it?

In his book, Family Ministry, Charles M. Sell reminds us that family’s foundation is commitment.  It’s commitment between husband and wife, between parents to children and children to parents. Without it, there will be no marriage and family. The basis for commitment is not the promise we make, but the covenant that binds God and us.  Under the roof of covenant, we rest.  No guilt, no question asked. 

Pastor Paul